"No landlord is my friend and brother no chambermaid loves me no waiter worships me no boots admires and envies me. No round of beef or tongue or ham is expressly cooked for me no pigeonpie is especially made for me no hotel-advertisement is personally addressed to me no hotel-room tapestried with great-coats and railway wrappers is set apart for me no house of public entertainment in the United Kingdom greatly cares for my opinion of its brandy or sherry. When I go upon my journeys I am not usually rated at a low figure in the bill; when I come home from my journeys I never get any commission. I know nothing about prices and should have no idea if I were put to it how to wheedle a man into ordering something he doesn't want. As a town traveller I am never to be seen driving a vehicle externally like a young and volatile pianoforte van and internally like an oven in which a number of flat boxes are baking in layers."